Dig bouncer

On Friday morning, while eating breakfast, we heard a story on the radio about a fossilized whale skeleton found along the Potomac River, which is pretty fantastic in itself for the following reasons:

1. Fossils
2. Whale skeletons
3. Along the Potomac

I had no idea!  And I got the impression that it wasn't even that unusual to find that sort of thing in the area, but this was a very large (the skull alone was about six feet long) and complete specimen, which got the paleontologists excited.  It's always nice when you don't have to guess what the whole animal looks like based upon a phalange or something, because sometimes, even with a skull as your extrapolation point, you can become famously wrong.

I became personally invested in the story when they mentioned that they had dug up the skull, returned it to a museum across the river, and had to wait before returning for the rest of the skeleton.  During that time, they kept news of the discovery quiet, because they wanted to preserve the dig site from fossil poachers, vandals, and other unsavory sorts.  That's when I had my great idea.

ATTENTION PALEONTOLOGISTS!!

I am now available for hire to secure your dig sites.  I am happy camping for weeks at a time, I have wilderness survival experience, and though I lack formal training in archaeology, I am fascinated by dinosaurs, trilobites, ancient marine life, and anything else in fossil form.  I'd be proud just to stand by the bone pit and make sure everybody leaves it alone.  Also, I can bark like a large dog or rave like a lunatic, both of which are effective, non-violent deterrents to pretty much anybody.