The Furious Primate Speaks

"Oh my gosh!!  Did you see that?  That was SO GREAT, you guys!  Totally hilarious!  Seriously, did you see that?"

"Of course I saw it, I'm standing right here, looking at you."

"Yeah yeah yeah, but did you see that?  I was just sitting here, right?  Right here, up on this step, and then--are you watching?  Are you listening to this?--then, when I picked up my feet, I TOTALLY slid on my butt down to this step, and it caught me COMPLETELY by surprise!  I was all, 'whoa, BOOM!'  HA!!  Honestly, it spooked me a little at first, but really, it was so much fun!"

"Yeah, I know, dude.  I was here the whole time, remember?  I'm the one who put you on the stair, and you ran into my leg when you slid down here.  How could I miss that?"

"Oh, it's really too bad you missed that.  Had to be there, I guess!  Hahaha!  Hooooboy, good times, man!  Good times!"

"You're not even listening to me, are you?"

"Right on my butt!!  Boom!  Pow!  Keister-rama!  HA!  Good thing I wear diapers, amiright??  Plenty of padding back there!  Matter of fact, there might be a little extra padding right now, knowhutimean?  Big breakfast this morning!  HA!!  Get it?  I mean I pooped!"

"Do I even need to be here for this?  I get the feeling this conversation only has one side."

"Nonononono!  Wait, man, wait!  This is good stuff!  You should hear this!  Stay right there, ok?  Ok?  Ok!  Haha, remember that time I slid on my butt down the stairs?"

"You mean that time twenty seconds ago, right before you told me this story?"

"HA!  You know what it reminds me of?  Guess what it reminds me of.  I'll tell you what it reminds me of!  Remember this morning, when we were hammering, and I got that hammer you told me to put down, but I hammered with it anyway?  It was this hammer right here!  I hammered like this!"

"No, you've got to turn it around.  You can't hammer with the claw side.  Here, like this."

"Yeahyeahyeah, I got this.  Back off, chief!  So I was hammering, right, like this?"

"Over here, please, not on the stairs."

"Sure, whatever, over here, yeah.  So I was hammering like this, and then the nail got out of the hole, and went all kerpowww!! and went over there, and then it bounced down the stairs!  Remember that?  It bounced all the way down the stairs!  HA!  That was great!!  CLASSIC me, amiright?"

"Uh-huh, sure, you bet.  Listen, we're all done for the day, and your dad has to give me a ride home now.  Do you want to go with us, or stay here with your mom?"

"Say what??  Cracker, please!  I know you chumps!  You're going somewhere fun, I am IN, dude!  LET'S ROLL!!"

"Okey-doke.  Let's get your coat.  Arms in here.  No, other arm goes there.  Good.  Here, have a seat, I'll get your shoes on.  Say good-bye to your mom."

"Later, baby!  We're off to really wild and exciting things!  Don't worry, I'll tell you all about it later!  After you post bail for us.  HAHAHA!!  Man, I kill me!  Post bail!  Oh, that is rich!  You should be writing this down.  Off we go!"

"Got both your arms in there?  No, the arms stay in those straps."

"HEY!!  Where are you going??  You've gotta go, too!  You can't just strap me in here and LEAVE!"

"Relax!  I'm sitting up front.  Let me finish buckling you in, and I'll get in up there, and then we can go, ok?  Your dad's already got the engine running.  Just give me a sec, all right?"

"Yeah, ok.  If you say so.  Hey, are you guys tired?  I'm not.  No, sirree.  Not remotely tired, uh-uh.  I'm so awake, I think I'll sing for a little bit.  Can I get a key?  No?  Ok, I'll do it myself.  Ahem.  This is the song of not sleeping!  I sing it because I'm awake!  This is the song of not....  snnxxxxxxxx..."

I got to spend a lot of time with my nephew in January while helping my brother with some home improvement projects.  He (my nephew, not my brother) has a habit of telling you long, detailed stories about That Funny Thing That Just Happened even if you were right there to witness it.  However, at the time his vocabulary was mostly vowel clusters and grunting, so we rarely had any idea what he was saying unless we could interpret his hand gestures.  I believe the account above is fairly accurate.

Getting our Science on

While we were in California for The Girl's most recent marathon, we got to spend an entire day (we were waiting in line when they opened, and left less than an hour before they closed, but I could have stayed longer and been quite happy) at the California Academy of Science, in Golden Gate Park.

The Borneo River Toad is the size of a grapefruit with legs, which still only makes it the second-largest toad I've ever seen.

Do you like science?  Do you like museums?  Do you plan to go to California, ever?  Then go to the California Academy of Science.  In fact, go right now.  Make that the reason for your trip.  If you plan it right (as we did), you'll get to see everything.  Planetarium shows are included with admission, but tickets are first-come, first-served, so get your tickets as soon as you're in the door.

The rain forest exhibit is swarming with birds and butterflies roaming free, and dozens of different insect, reptile, and amphibian species in tanks.

The planetarium is one of two huge spheres on the main floor of the museum.  The other is the phenomenal rain forest exhibit, with species representing several different rain forest environments.  The Girl got tired of me lurking at every terrarium, looking for all the brightly-colored frog species, but she's never been to a large reptile/amphibian display with me; she didn't know that that is my way.  But those tanks were at the top of the spiraling ramp that led us up through the rain forest layers; when we entered, we were at ground level, and when we crossed the first bridge, I looked down to see enormous fish below us, and people below them.  The exit from the rain forest's canopy was an elevator that took us below the biosphere (literally!  HA!) to the aquarium exhibits, including the tunnel that ran under the rain forest above.

Every kid in the place could identify three fish species: Nemo, Dory, and Gil.  Imagine what Pixar could do if they started making educational films!

The aquaria were as comprehensive as the rain forest: tidal pools, rain forests, coral reefs, swamps, and freshwater environments were all represented.  They had a small tank of jellyfish, which I like if only because I remember how much Mom liked the exhibit they once inhabited at the Columbus Zoo, and several varieties of sea horses and sea dragons.  I also found more frogs.

The Waxy Monkey Tree Frog is the most appropriately-named amphibian I have ever encountered, but I was more impressed by how much they look like people.  Creepy people.

We saw a talk on snakes and their varied reproductive methods (with live snakes), a presentation on swamps featuring Clyde the Albino Alligator (he was not the presenter, but he is pretty famous), a penguin feeding (live penguins, dead fish, live people), and a planetarium show on dark matter and dark energy narrated by the rock star of astronomy, Neil deGrasse Tyson.  Because it is California, there is also an exhibit on earthquakes that lets you stand in a house while two famous earthquakes are simulated (not simultaneously).

Clyde is a big deal.  You can buy a plush version of him in a stunning variety of sizes.

I had read a lot that morning about the building itself, and all of the sustainable practices that went into its construction.  The most obvious element is the green roof, which you can actually access to view closer, though of course I forgot to take any pictures while I was up there--I was just too darned excited at the time, I guess.

The large dome on the right is above the rain forest.  The matching dome on the left is over the planetarium, so it didn't need as many skylights.